Football season has returned and that means the return of fantasy football. Sure I got crushed and finished last in my league last year, but this year I’m going to dominate thanks to my new son. Having a child has taught me many valuable skills that translate to fantasy football and here are just a few.
1) Reminds you to be patient
Remember when you drafted Mike Evans and you understood the first few weeks of the season might be rough but by the bye week you’ll rolling in so many points that you can finally tell Peter in the cube next door to shove it? That’s same way it is with kids (but a lot less third round risk). A dad needs to understand that when their kids are young you need to nurture them and bring them along slowly. Before you know it will be time to push their noisy rear out of the nest; hoping they can make it on their own.
2) Be Mindful of the Quiet Ones
The Monday morning ritual for every Fantasy Football owner is the same; breaking down your upcoming opponent. You spend the first full day of the week scanning your upcoming victim’s roster, trying to figure out how many points their superstar player is going to lay on you. But what happens on the weekend is that you get surprised by some quiet player you passed right over (I’m looking at you 2011 Tory Smith). The idea of counting out the quiet one is the exact same thing that can happen to you at your kid’s birthday party. You’ll spend too much time following that one over caffeinated kid just to find the little quiet kid scrubbing the toilet with your toothbrush.
3) Always Put the Older More Responsible One in Charge
When picking a quarterback you’re always tempted by the young guy with the big arm you just know will emerge this year as an elite QB (come on Tannehill, I know you can do it). But 31 out of 32 times the right answer is the aging veteran who has been through the war and made it through to the other side. You need to remember this for when you pick one kid to be in charge when you run to the store and aren’t hoping to return to find your house on fire. The answer is always the older more responsible one. You have faith that everything will be OK when they’re keeping the house. They’ve proven to you they can do it and if the going gets rough they can whip a few knuckleheads into shape; just like your quarterback.
4) A Stable Dynamic Equals a Stable House
When the time comes to draft a position and you have two people of equal ranking on your board, who do you go with? The answer is the player playing for the most stable franchise. Picking a young receiver who is playing for Petyon Manning and the Denver Broncos can be as comforting as a soft bed. While picking anyone who plays for the Jacksonville Jaguars is less so. If you can keep a football franchise stable or even your family’s rules consistent it’s better for everyone. When the kids ask to eat desert instead of veggies just remind them that sugar causes you to lose teeth and that is a bad thing, unless you’re a Raiders fan.
5 Technology is Great, But Not Everything
Every fantasy football site, blog or magazine claims to have a new secret system for analyzing players and knows who to draft (PS – if any of you have this system please email me) but the numbers can really only tell you so much. I like the idea of Brian Hoyer sticking to it Johnny Football as the next guy, but if someone is calling him the next Tom Brady it might be time to move on. It’s important to weight players with the eye test and the same idea applies to kids and technology. Listen to your gut about what is right for your family when it comes to violent video games or PG-13 movies. Any website or app can give their opinion on if your 11-year-old should see Guardians of the Galaxy but only you know if your little buddy can handle the pretend shooting.
Click the buttons to the left to share this with your “team.” Prove to them being a dad is gonna help you crush them this year!
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