Becoming a parent for the first time naturally brings with it a lot of…well, firsts. The first time holding your bundle of joy, your first night at home (it can be beyond memorable), even your first all nighter (since college.) There are so many things that you never knew were coming, your list of firsts grows about as fast as the bags & dark circles under your eyes.
Little do you know that also for the first time in your life, poop will not only be A topic of conversation, it will become THE conversation.
There is little in our house right now that gets more of a celebration than the words “poopy diaper.” I mean, there are literally cheers and “who’s got a poopy diaper?” (in baby voice) when we catch wind of a potential dirty diaper. Go ahead, picture that for a moment. Is that normal for parents?
For some reason the stinky surprise waiting for you is something to celebrate with a baby. This, I was not prepared for. Logically I get it, there’s reassurance things are working properly, digestion is taking place, and they’re feeling healthy. Mentally, hearing the words “I need backup!” being screamed down the hallway after aforementioned “celebration” makes me want to find the nearest hazmat suit and run, fast…in the other direction.
As a parent to a baby, poop becomes a bit of an obsession, not by choice, but by default. You’ve seen the parents at the mall, restaurants, sporting events, anywhere really, holding their baby’s booty up to their nose to conduct the most unfortunate smell test available. You’ve seen it, I know.
It’s the age old parental question, did you poop? Is that poop I smell? He couldn’t have pooped again already…could he? Exactly how did you get poop up here? How am I going to get this off, without covering you in poop?
And then as if that wasn’t enough, your nose begins to play games on you.
“I can’t tell. Is that poop? I think that’s poop.”
Which then has you asking the nearest person, no matter if you don’t know them, ‘Excuse me? Does that smell like poop to you?’ while shoving your child’s diaper toward their face.
The entire concept of poop being at all inappropriate becomes null and void as a new parent. In fact, there’s a greater than average chance you’ll be sharing the latest diaper experience with family and friends as if it’s a game winning touchdown catch or home run. There is apparently a new definition of entertainment as a parent. Go figure.
We’re not quite to potty training yet, where there are sure to be a few firsts we’ve yet to experience.
Namely, “you pooped where?” “Honey, grab the Clorox!”
It’s the glamorous side of parenthood I think we’re preprogramed to conveniently ignore until boom, a large poopy diaper is staring you in the face for the first time.
Oxygen mask and latex gloves not included.